Last night I went out to get groceries (after 4 beers – not the most economical trip I’ve ever made). When I got back home I had to park my car on the street and kinda far down the block – the plows had gone down and I wanted to park somewhere I was sure I would be able to get out of the next day. But I still had to carry in all the groceries. So naturally, I loaded myself down with bags for the first trip- leaving only a few things for the second trip. I made the trek up to the house and set everything on the table. Then I grabbed the pooches and took them on a short walk, making our way back by the car. I wrangled the pups while I gathered the remaining bags on my arms and then heaved the big bag of dogfood onto my hip like a toddler. We started slowly making our way back across the street and up to the house. We had just gotten on our sidewalk and the same thing happened again. The leashed pups lurched forward, i miss-stepped, and bounced the dogfood bag hard off my knee and face. The frozen plastic zip-top of the bag put a lovely 3″ cut in my face too! it bled! I swear – I am not a clumsy person by nature- but this winter has been ridiculous. Or are the pups just out to get me….

I’m actually referring to my 2011 and the ‘adventures’ I have found myself taking. I very rarely have actual laid out plans. But I also have rarely been bored or feelin like I’m missing out on anything. I’m sure there are better things I could be doing with my time, but when I look back at the last 3 weeks I’m a little surprised at how full and bonkers they have been.

I have gone to 5 new dive bars, eaten my weight in sushi with people on 3 different occasions, gone to a house party, had dinner cooked for me twice, seen an independent film in an old school theater, gotten dinner and drinks with a friend who told me my unkept eyebrows are offensive, gotten lost driving twice, attended a birthday party for a dog, and sung karaoke on a party bus for a strangers 50th bday party. Pretty full month so far – but I will go in more depth of my most recent undertaking.

So last night, I grabbed a drink with my friend Jenny at Sasha’s on Shaw – quickly becoming my new hang out- and had 2 healthy glasses of white wine. Then we had the great idea to go to the Shanti. Now, the Shanti is a small bar in the  Soulard neighborhood in STL. Think a walk in closet with live music, cheap beer, and about 50 people. And you cant forget the delicious smoke+dirt+body odor+wet dog small that lingers in that place, and also in your hair and any unfortunate article of clothing you bring in with you. But that place is a trip- there is always a story that comes out of a quality shanti night. The mix of people is amazing. the median age is probably 40, so a couple 20-somethings (yes, I still get to refer to myself in that group…for a few more months anyways) always get taken care of pretty well.

Last night there were 2 guys playing guitars and singing- people dancing, and of course the reek of a good time to come. We got seats at the bar- although, thinking back, I think we stole them when a guy we were talking to got up and grabbed the mic to sing with the musicians. I talked to a 50something guy named Steve for awhile, and Jenny was getting hugged by a random guy in a long black coat. After a few beers, we started doing shots- naturally. A wonderful idea. I was feeling pretty good and before I knew it I was wearing this fuzzy vest that belonged to this blonde girl named Dani and she and I were tearing up the dance floor. There was a super cute gay kid that was hanging with us too, but I don’t remember his name. They all liked my fedora that I was wearing, so that got thrown into the clothing exchange too. I ran into a chick that had applied for a job at my work- last she saw me I was in a suit- and I kept apologizing that I was in party mode, and assuring her that I am more professional that currently on display. ha! A young Asian kid was trying to convince me that we were married for some reason, and I was getting ‘the eye’ from a plump brunette. An older lady with big fake ta-tas was whippin them out and squeezing her nipples. Seriously, if you come visit me in STL- we are going to the Shanti.

I’m not sure when or why we left- I think Jenny and I wanted to go dancing- although Im not sure how that lead us to our final destination. Or maybe it was the fact that Jenny stole a big stump of wood that the bar was using as a door stop. She talked some young guys to put it in their coat and put it in her car. lol! We went to a gay bar in Benton Park- and when we walked in there were 6 or 7 dudes sitting at the bar, not thrilled to see us. But we got a drink and hung at the end of the bar for a bit, and then they warmed up after awhile. I started dancing to the jukebox and a young guy with an open button up shirt came up and we danced until we got kicked out at 2am. Jenny was hangin at the bar with a guy- I think she knew him, but who can say? I was feeling pretty good- and my sloppy dancing was ridiculous. The open shirt didnt stay on long- so out of “hey, wanna get a drink” came an outrageous night ending with me dancing with a half naked gay guy. SO much fun. the next morning was not super awesome, and my facebook status read “omg – i smell like a bus station.”

The best part was going back and reading the embarrassing texts drunk Andi was sending and then flipping through the photos on my phone. Classy, is the only word that comes to mind. Here are a few of my favorites. Enjoy!

…and it wouldn’t be complete without a bathroom pic (wtf??) No more vodka for Andi!!

So I am easing back into my blogging, but you may have noticed a giant gap in the entries. That is due to my, what I’m calling, “pre-life crisis”. As it turns out, mine is not an isolated incident. So what happened was- I started realizing that my life was pretty much all laid out ahead of me. I was 27, married, living in a town I hated and working a job that, while professional, was not what I wanted to be doing. I had some really great friends, a lot of just OK friends- the ones that I would catch up with when we had to hang out- but mostly I felt like I was wasting a lot of time. And not that I regret getting married, or buying a house, or any of the time I spent with my husband- I don’t. He is a great man and deserves to be happy…  just like I do. And it took me a long time to realize that last fact. I was so used to putting everyone else ahead of me that I devalued my own needs and wants, to a point I felt guilty for having them. So its not surprising that I ended up going through my rough patch. I started looking around for a better opportunity in cities that I felt comfortable in.  I found an amazing job at a very notable brewery in St Louis(rhymes with Spamhiesur Spush) , but it fell apart once I got ready to move. I had already quit my job, found a place to stay in STL, and paused things with my husband. It was scary and unknown, but I went for it anyway. I knew something good would happen because I wanted to ‘make a move’ badly enough. And for the first time since my freshman year of college, I was in charge of what happened to me. Just me. The thrill was comfort enough.

I got a job a few weeks later as a host at a nearby restaurant. The crew was awesome, and the atmosphere was hoppin. A few weeks and at least one tattoo after that I got hired at a local magazine. I had no idea how much I would enjoy it! I’m still there, and I have worked my way into a pretty vital position. I have moved into my own place, with my two pups. I live in a safe neighborhood- which is sweet, since STL is officially the most dangerous city in the nation right now…can’t help but feel a little badass… and that reminds me of a good piece of advice. Don’t take weapons into an international airport. Even if they are your ‘just in case of emergency’ knife & mace that you keep in your purse…. the old man TSA agent will look at you like you are a crazy person. So yeah. Don’t do that.

Anyways-  the interesting thing is, as my little story gets out- I am realizing its actually a fairly common tale. I have a couple really good new friends here in STL that have gone through the exact same thing. Its like the ’28 year old wake up call’ that has brought us to a new city, or a new lifestyle, a new relationship status, or a combo of them all. We are all in very different places than we thought we were going to be- and very different from where we were scheduled to be in our prior lives.  And while it has been painful, challenging, and at some times so emotionally draining that I voluntarily lay on the couch with wine and cry over lame chick flicks, I really wouldn’t change anything.  The divorce is started, but Chris and I remain good friends and close with each others families. He has gotten his own place, and met a new girl that he has been seeing for awhile now. He has gotten to go on some fabulous vacations with friends and seems to be doing really great. I have been single- and loving it. I have really been able to put my energy straight into my work and help to make a name for myself in the magazine. A couple weeks ago I got a big promotion that has allowed me to quit the restaurant, opening up my nights for…. well, me to bring work home. But I still get back to visit the restaurant crew and enjoy their sweet happy hour deals. I have also recently gone on a few dates with a new guy – so I do enjoy having the time available.

Some may look at this adventure and call me selfish, a bitch, or just plain naive. But if that is what it took for me to get to this point, I cant help but feel a little victorious. Hell yes I was selfish – and it was about time I got to be. To the people that never understood- I’m sure ‘bitch’ is putting it nicely- but they are my past. And I hope that I never get to be so jaded that the possibility of me being at least a little naive disappears completely. I still don’t consider myself a ‘grown up.’ This isn’t my stopping point either. And I actually said something the other day that I hadn’t really thought about before it fell out of my face(imagine that), but have since spent some time on. “I don’t want to know where I will be in 5 years. I just want to be happy.” (I think the inspirational string section should be just about to their crescendo now)  But it’s true.  And while I have so many people to thank for helping me become the person I am, I am thankful that I found it in myself to take such a leap. It will be the first of many.

Angel tears whisper sweet fables

Of a tender romance at the dinner table,

Of bunny rabbit tails, and a powdered gown,

A child’s laughter floating through town

Sugar sprinkles on freshly baked treats

Shiny red goulashes on an anxious toddler’s feet

Warm my soul and raise my smile

Sipping lemonade in old-fashioned style

A feather tickles the princess’ face

Cherub wings beating at a lover’s heart’s pace

Clouds wrap the world in a wispy embrace

I take your gentle hands in gloves made of lace.

With the baby’s wink the ivory candle flickers

Hungry? Why wait? Grab a snickers.

Bubble baths clean the heart bright

As does a ribbon dancing in the warm sunlight.

All the victims on the train

Every single one bloodied and maimed

Exposed spines and gashed open heads

Running screaming to their death beds

Faces detach and slide into open mouths

Grown men arching holding in half their bowels

The rest they drag on the dirty city street

Fumbling, Tripping, as they kick them with their feet.

I was clicking through AOL and they usually put up random headlines of news topics, fashion, health, etc. (today, I saw one in the food section that read “why your crabs are so spicy – I took a picture of it and sent it to my husband. too funny.) Not paying attention to the category I was in, I saw a headline that read “why raisins are (sometimes) bad” and I was like -”YES! Finally, I can cite actual documents on the nasty things. I was already piecing phrases together in my head when I clicked the link. But it took me to some weird careerbuilder site, and I was really confused. Maybe the page flipped on me and I hit the wrong one, so I went back- made sure I was on the right headline, and clicked again. Again I was taken to the wrong page. WTF. The raisins were trying to sabotage my quest. I went back to the headline again- this time noticing that it was in the Business section. Hm. Thats odd.  I took 5 seconds and re-read the headline. “Why RAISES are (sometimes) bad.”

Just then, “I heard it through the Grapevine” came on, and I knew, somewhere,  the raisins were laughing at me.

See if this makes sense to you.

They have a large single stall bathroom. They have a basket with magazines, (you know, in case you want to camp out in there. For the record, I have never been in a public restroom long enough to necessitate reading material.) extra rolls of the TP-fantastic, extra paper towels- standard stuff. Note- that there are brand new wrapped rolls of TP. Usually at least 2. And the toilet paper roll holder thingy is one of those security-have to rip the cardboard tube off- kinda bullshit things. Really? You are SO worried about someone coming into the restroom and making off with the toilet paper. Like someone would come into the store and leave with it in their purse. “Ha ha! I have stolen your precious TP- Taken it right from the dispenser I have! Wohhahah!” and they twist their long black handlebar moustache. They also have really long fingers and a limp, but thats a story for another day.

Obviously, if someone really wants the toilet paper, they are going to gank a freshy- and not worry about the other roll hanging off the wall. Although, I have also thought about ways they could steal it, regardless of the security bar.

1. They bring in their own empty tube and re-roll the TP from the wall to their tube. win.

2. They bring a box cutter and cut straight through the remaining paper and are shove the sheets into their pockets all greedily and drooling and outta breath for some reason. win. but messy.

Later, I was discussing these treats with Mark, my coworker, and I described to him my leeriness. He asked if I had ever made Raisin cookies. My answer, “why would I? Why would I ever knowingly ruin a tasty treat like that? I will never be a party to adding raisins to cookies. They don’t belong there.” Raisins belong in little red boxes, or in giant tubs next to one of those weekly pill separators.

boom.

“I was just at the walmart and some old timer in a jazzy cart was tooling out the store and rammed his jazzy cart into the chair where the walmart greeter sits. Fortunately the walmart greeter wasn’t sitting in the chair at the time of the incident. The old timer started laughing hysterically and sat there for a good 30 seconds laughing. I was in line at subway so I had no choice but to observe all this. Finally the old timer backed up his jazzy cart and continued out the doors, all while laughing and carrying on.”